Monday, July 14, 2008

standing downwind of the dog

I always thought of myself as a "pretty good" person, good as in mostly nice to people, pretty much doing the rightest thing at the time. But, who's to really say? We all think we're good, and usually that's judged by the things we do, rather than the things we don't do. But does avoiding "doing" cancel out the good that we actually accomplish? Meaning, if there's something you should be doing because it's right or good or helpful or decent, and you avoid it or ignore it or act lazy or make another sandwich and take a nap in your bathrobe, does that take away from your good quotient?



I recently had a minor fit of anger at another person's competitive nature, stalker-like sensibilities and thinly-veiled jealous streak so often aimed in my direction. I try to hope those things don't bother me, but they do, I am...human, and I also have a mean gene I try to suppress most of the time. I expressed a desire to somehow strike back, to virtually shove something back in Other Person's face. My fiancee quietly mentioned that he had recently adopted a "do no harm" philosophy and suggested I perhaps try something similar.



Hmm.



He does have a way of shutting me up. Sometimes. This new "do no harm" thing reminded me of a plan I had a few years back...trying always to do the next "rightest" thing. I guess I forgot about it somewhere along the way.



So I found myself in one of those situations where the right thing to do is the hard thing, which is keep my mouth shut, smile and redirect my energy. Every time I take Grace the dog outside for her PT (that's personal time -- she'd really doesn't like going in the yard; would prefer more privacy) I am reminded of how not in control I am. No matter where I stand, it seems the wind always blows past her towards me, making for a full-fledged sensory experience. Conversely, when we're lucky enough to have the time and the mind to make a choice, that's something for which to be thankful.