stuck in a dress

Dress shopping is never easy. I'm sure, even for those girls out there who are size 4. Well, maybe they have it a little easier. Part of the frustration and the build-up to exhaustion is the constant undressing and redressing. Bringing in two sizes of the same dress. Trudging from store to store, sometimes even purchasing garments that will only be returned...later that day. The only thing that makes the experience worse, for me, is being alone. Since purchases like dresses are made by me rarely these days, I try to secure a shopping partner ahead of time. Someone to give me honesty and encouragement. A trustworthy soul far more reliable than fair-weather salespeople. A friend who says "Don't give up."

A friend who can pry me out of a dress.

Now, I've been stuck in mud (lost my shoes) stuck on a hill (16 years old driving a stick shift) stuck in myriad awkward social situations (I'm a magnet for those), even stuck in a sports bra (from which I sliced myself free).

But being stuck in a dress is different story.

You would think one would learn this life lesson: if the dress is difficult to put on, beware when attempting to remove it. Many dresses today go over the head, but have a convenient side zipper. The physics escapes me (actually, I've never had any physics to lose) but somehow that side zipper helps with the on and off process.

As I attempted to remove an ill-fitting dress last weekend, the sick sensation that I was trapped slowly came over me. After several tries, I had managed to position the dress partially up over my head, and to make a long story short (too late) my arms were stuck. Up. Both of them. I stood in the pleasantly-lit dressing room, my face pressed up against the top of my left arm as well as the Retro Patterned Silk Shift I had the gall to think I could not only wear to an event, but remove from my body without scissors. I stood quietly, pondering my life. I had a limited budget, very little time, and no shopping friend from whom to humbly seek aid. The smell of new fabric and fear filled my senses.

I won't leave you hanging any longer. I am not still wearing that dress right now. It only took a few more pulls and the sound of one stitch giving ever so slightly.

But hey, that loose stitch just might save the next shopper from spontaneous dress entrapment, and a whole lot of uninvited introspection.